Lessons From My Mom

Lessons From My Mom

Something to lighten your day. Ü

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION . "You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC." Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC ."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM ."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE ."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father! "

15. My mother taught me about ENVY ."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS."You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

Have a blessed day! Pamela

UPS Warning About the NEW CTMH Fall/Winter Idea Book!!!

I just had to share this...

This time of the year has come around once again. Close To My Heart is releasing the New Idea Book and Catalog. Please be extremely cautious of Close To My Heart Consultants (CTMHCs) for the next two weeks.

How to Deliver the New Idea Book and Catalog:

1. Be sure you have fixed your squeaky brakes - if not, park your truck two blocks away so the CTMHC can not hear you coming.

2. Put in your earplugs and secure your safety glasses.

3. If you see children looking out the window, put your finger up to your lips and say "SHHHH".. They are on a "lookout" for you and are being paid to "alert" their mothers (CTMHCs) when they see you coming to the door.

4. Approach the front door and very quietly, set the package down in front of the door (Make sure you place it in FRONT so when she opens the door, the box will be in the way and give you a little more time to escape).

5. Back up as far as you can and reach for the doorbell, (BE READY TO RUN !!!). Ring the doorbell and make a mad dash back to your truck and drive away....DO NOT LOOK BACK !!!

The UPS corporation is informing you of this because in the past years, CTMHCs have been known to scream at the top of their lungs with excitement and try to tackle you with hugs for delivering their catalogs. After you have been smothered with appreciation for getting them their catalogs on time, watch out for flying packaging material as they will open up the box before you have had a chance to leave, or they have gone inside.

They have also been know to drive up next to you at a stop light in their mini vans and SUVs and ask if you have a package for them. Turn up your radio and pretend you cannot hear them. Do not let them approach your delivery truck at an intersection.

CTMHCs have been know to stop traffic and throw all your packages off the trucks until they find their new Idea Book and catalog.

Best of luck to you with this mission, and remember: Let's Be Safe Out There!!!!!